All my people-pleasers, raise your hand! ðð¼ââï¸ (and if youâve also figured out you have some codependent tendencies... raise your hand too!!) And now, repeat after me:
It is not my responsibility to fix someoneâs bad day.
I am not responsible for anyone elseâs feelings, other than my own.
I can be supportive and hold space for someone during a bad day, should they want that.
If someone tries to make fixing their day or their emotions my responsibility, I realize it is not my responsibility in reality.
If someone pushes this responsibility onto me, I will assess this relationship as it may be toxic.
How did it feel reading through those? Empowering? Uncomfortable? Confusing? Guilt-inducing? Some of us have learned the skill (and are quite good at it) to take other peopleâs problems and try to make them our own to fix. This could be in an attempt to gain approval, to show your love and affection, to make uncomfortable feelings go away, or to fulfill a demand within a toxic relationship.
Trying to fix other peopleâs problems is exhausting and fruitless. Only they can truly address and remedy their problems. Similarly, only they can process their distressing emotions and sit through that discomfort. You must also do the same.
Shifting from a people-pleaser to more of a supportive observer takes time. Itâs uncomfortable. It takes accepting where your limitations are. It also takes accepting that youâre worth setting those boundaries. And that youâre worth relationships who donât test and take advantage of you. â¤ï¸